Whenever I think of the word, sex, the picture that quickly comes to mind is that of a fireplace in a cold winter morning. Even when the fire is intense, it is safe, warm and relaxing. But the moment that fire is taken outside the fireplace, it becomes destructive. It can burn a whole house! This is what pornography does. It takes fire (sex) out of its fireplace (marriage).
Sex is great as long as it is expressed in the proper context – marriage. Then it becomes safe, warm and relaxing! But pornography paints an entirely different picture of sex. It tells you that sex, love and intimacy are all the same thing. It tells you that it doesn’t matter whose body you are using. All that matters is your satisfaction. People, who are caught up in this web, build relationships on sex. To them, commitment, love and mutual trust is merely an illusion.
Let’s see some troubling facts on pornography:
- At any second of the day there are as much as thirty million (30,000,000) unique visitors, viewing porn.
- Just about half of the internet is made up of porn or porn related contents.
- A university of Montreal study found that most guys are exposed to porn for the first time at age 10.
- Most men watch or have watched porn.
- Every 39 minutes a new porn film is created in the US.
- 88.2% of top rated porn scenes show aggressive acts where 70% of the occurrences are perpetrated by the guy.
- Internet porn in the UK receives more traffic than social networks, shopping, gaming, finance and travel.
- Several recent studies have found that teenagers from all over the world use porn to learn about real life sex.
The truth about sex cannot be learnt from porn. It teaches the opposite. The goal of porn is not to educate but to sell sex. In the world of pornography, sex is a product. It is a trade that is all built on lies. For one to be truly free from its addiction, one needs to recognize the lies and see its harmful effects on humans. A lot of porn addicts don’t think that porn is harmful but in reality it is! Porn destroys marriages. It affects the human brain, destroys ministries and causes untimely deaths.
In 2004, Dr. Jill Manning shared some interesting data regarding pornography and relationships. In her research, she found out that 56% of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornography websites. 1
If this report is absolute, it simply means that if there are one million divorces in a year, five hundred thousand of them are porn related. This may not be far from the truth because pornography affects how we understand sexuality and how we view each other.
A relevant finding by those who are conducting brain research is in the area of what are being called mirror neurons. These neurons make up a circuit located in the frontal and parietal lobes (the region near the top of your head). These neurons are involved with the process for how to mimic a behavior. They contain a motor system that correlates to the planning out of a behavior. Consider this example: if you see someone grab a hammer and pound it, the same part of your brain that you would use to actually pound a hammer would also be activated. Other brain regions may hold that behavior in check, but you now have primed a neutral circuit to hammer a nail. The neurons were originally called “monkey see, monkey do” neurons (they were first discovered in monkeys), and constitute the way we neurologically learn by observing others. But it would be wrong to think of viewing pornography as just a simple circuit board. The human brain is not like a computer; it has a chemical soup in which it operates and functions. There are hormones and brain chemicals (known as neurotransmitters), which provide the chemical medium for brain activity. Viewing pornography does not just activate circuits; it generates feelings intended for sexual longing, desire, love, and romance. 2
What we see, gradually affects how we behave consciously and unconsciously. Like every other addiction, Porn addiction comes in stages. Most guys who get addicted to porn start early. It begins with either association, just stumbling over a porn site or even picking up a porn magazine. And later it becomes an addiction. They keep coming back to porn. Then there is the escalation stage where they start looking for more graphic porn. The porn that might have disgusted them before now starts becoming exciting. Then they move on to the desensitization stage where even the most graphic porn does not excite them anymore. And then finally they start acting out sexually. They move into the real world.
Porn teaches:
- That women are mere objects of satisfaction
Men who are addicted to pornography see women from this stand point. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions are played down.
- That a woman’s value depends on her physique
Porn only places value on a woman’s body. In the world of porn, a woman’s mind and personality is useless. In porn, the true meaning of beauty is devalued. Beauty is only seen from the physical stance. Less physically attractive women are ridiculed. This is why men who are caught up in this web have a myopic view about the concept of beauty. A woman’s personality doesn’t really matter to them, as long as they have those physically attractive features. In the same vein, women who are caught up in this web have a twisted understanding of “endowment”. Endowment to them is nothing more than physical.
- That sex is a game
Most men who are into pornography often brag about how many women they have ‘conquered’. To them, it is a proof of their masculinity.
- That women can be bought
Porn views women as property that can be bought anytime. So, as a product, she can be used whichever way the man wants.
- That rape is normal
It is a twisted terrain. Often in porn, women are shown being raped, resisting at first and then completely giving in.
- That illegal sex is fun
In porn, brothers are shown having sex with their sisters. Mothers, having sex with their sons, etc. Small wonder the daily reports on incest is on the increase.
Pornography generally affects the way we think. Porn addicts see sex in everything. Their idea of a great relationship is that involving “great” sex. There is more to life than sex.
There is more to life than what we know and there is more to sex than what we know. Life was designed by God for a purpose and so was sex. Life is sweet and sacred and so also is sex. But there is more to life than sex. Sex becomes profitable when you understand life, but very destructive when the purpose of life is not known. 3
Can one really experience true freedom from porn addiction? The answer is a very fat YES! It begins with you! No man can really be free from addiction unless he sees it as harmful and desires freedom from it.
One day I saw a house fly jump into a cobweb. It was an interesting sight to behold. The more the fly struggled to get out of the web, the more it got entangled in it. There and then, God opened my eyes to see how a lot of believers struggled with sin.
Like the house fly, the more you struggle with sin, the more you get entangled in it. It does not depend on human effort, but on God’s mercy (Romans 9:16). Imagine a hand pulling that housefly from the web. That is the only way out.
Like the house fly, the more you struggle with sin, the more you get entangled in it. It does not depend on human effort, but on God’s mercy (Romans 9:16). Imagine a hand pulling that housefly from the web. That is the only way out.
The reason why a lot of people have not been able to experience freedom from pornography is that they keep it to themselves.
Admit it!
Most people don’t know they are addicted to pornography. One question you need to ask yourself is, do I keep going back to it? If your answer to this is YES, then you are either an addict or you are gradually becoming one.
Own up!
Do I really need help? By now I’m sure you’d know the answer to that. Pornography is harmful. It affects our brain, it affects our relationships, and it affects our future. One of the extreme cases of this addiction is that it makes people addicted to sex that they have sex without caution. This in turn can lead to the contamination of sexually transmitted diseases.
Open up!
I have seen someone almost drown because he was ashamed to say that he could not swim. He was struggling with the water and his friends thought, “Wow this guy is good”. Bottling it up and trying to figure out a solution on your own cannot help. Remember the house fly in the cobweb. Talk to a counselor (preferably your pastor) about it. But I must advice here, make sure he understands grace. Most pastors create more problems than solve them. Some will condemn you and make you feel terrible. Prayer becomes their last resort. God never stopped loving you because you were caught up in this web. Truth is, he loves you even more and longs to fellowship with you.
If you have not given your life to Jesus, do so. Giving your life to him takes you from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light (Acts 26:18). If you have given your life to Jesus, draw nearer to him. He loves you and wants to help you.
Flee!
Yeah you heard me. Flee! Truth is, you will be tempted. The sin of sexual immorality is not on the same plane as other sins. I will show you from scriptures, 1 Corinthians 6:18. “Flee from sexually immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” When you sin sexually, you are actually sinning against your body. In other words, you are harming your body. If you read on you will see where Paul says that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Our body is meant to radiate the beauty and splendor of God. But sexual immorality affects our true beauty and splendor. Therefore, RUN! Don’t for one second think you can handle it. I often hear people say, “Oh don’t worry, this one I can handle him”. It is a lie! Flee!
Attend fellowships
“let us not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-all the more as you see the Day approaching” Hebrews 10:25.
There is nothing that helps a believer grow in grace like fellowship. We all need some form of encouragement to grow in life. Our association matters. Bad company corrupts good character. 1 Corinthians 15:33. If you stay too long in a bad company, unconsciously, your language changes. Peter tried to deny having an association with Jesus but the bible told us that his accent betrayed him. I like the way NIV puts it. It says “…Surely you are one of them, for your accent gives you away.” Matthew 26:73.
There is nothing that helps a believer grow in grace like fellowship. We all need some form of encouragement to grow in life. Our association matters. Bad company corrupts good character. 1 Corinthians 15:33. If you stay too long in a bad company, unconsciously, your language changes. Peter tried to deny having an association with Jesus but the bible told us that his accent betrayed him. I like the way NIV puts it. It says “…Surely you are one of them, for your accent gives you away.” Matthew 26:73.
Trust God!
Be confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6. God is able! Lean not on your own understanding. Trust him completely. He has not condemned you and he never will. He loves you and wants to help you. His grace is sufficient.
Friend, Jesus has paid the price for your redemption. You are debt free! All your sins, past, present and future has been taken care of on the cross. All that is needed of you is to believe in the finished work of the cross and enjoy true freedom. Everything that stood between you and God has been rolled away. Come into a fellowship with him and see these addictions fizzle away. The more we know how much he truly loves us, the more we reign in life. God bless you!
References:
- Manning J., Senate Testimony 2004, referencing: Dedmon, J., “Is the internet bad for your marriage? Online affairs, pornographic sites playing greater role in divorces, “ 2002, press release from the Dilenschneider Group, Inc.
- William B. Struthers, the Effects of porn on the male brain. Article ID: JAF 1345 http://www.equip.org/articles/the-effects-of-porn-on-the-male-brain-3/
- Oladepo Olatunbosun., Life is more than sex Quotes: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/25138049-life-is-more-than-sex
